Funniest Headline This Year
Man Claims to Speak 'Australian' After Allegedly Being Raped by Wombat
A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak "Australian".
Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.
The orchard worker later called back and said: "Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right, you know."
Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours' community work.
Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock's life.
Full article is available from FOX News but for God's sake don't go their website unless you're wearing sunglasses and your best pair of anti-shit-myself-out-of-fear-of-things-happening-that-will-never-actually-happen pants.
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