Do not assume (if you hold the door for me)
that I think you're making a statement
about my inabilities
to open the door for myself
Why would my thoughts be so ridiculous and shallow?
Stop being a patronising cunt

Do not assume (if you pay for the meal)
that I think you're underestimating
my earning capacity
as a woman.
All I'm thinking about is that you 'expect' me to pay,
if I invite you out. How romantic.

Do not assume (if you defend my rights),
that I think you're belittling
the attempts that I have made
to defend my rights myself.
If you stop making these insane assumptions
Then I'll stop considering you as a giant, pretentious, self-regarding asshole.

Wow, so Cambridge is now teaching its students both how to swear, how to launch hostile personal attacks, and how to miss the point entirely.

What fun. :D

Anyway, this poem was written in a lecture following a creative writing session, in which I was told by my feminist teacher (you may have seen her on the Nunnery on the BBC, she was the one in a three-way relationship), that, as a man, I had no place defending women's rights.

Not that that matters to one so eloquent and representative of womankind as yourself.

Haven't checked out the site before, but like it dude, keep up the good work. As for the above comment, it once again goes to show that some feminists have their senses of humour surgically removed at birth, along with their penises (we all know they're hermaphrodites really). Oh, Jemima, if you're going to write a riposte in the same style as the original, try to do so with some imagination, as opposed to merely changing the final two lines.